Getting children back to school with confidence
The return to school may present a swirl of emotions for both parents and children. On the one hand you may be craving some “back to normal”, as much as they are looking forward to being re-united with their classmates. On the other hand you may be dreading managing the transition again, and wondering where you will find the energy to do that!
I wrote about lockdown having a “marmite” effect on children, and I predict a similar response again….some children craving going back to school, others dreading it. The ones who are dreading it, I suspect are those who already were experiencing performance anxiety, friendship issues, bullying or learning difficulties, and are those who were happier with home schooling. These are the group that will need much more encouragement and shown much more patience.
A survey about School anxiety conducted by Bristol University during lockdown last year, of 1,000 year nine students from 17 secondary schools across the south west of England compared findings from October 2019 to May 2020 and found that both girls and boys recorded decreased levels of anxiety during that timeframe.
In October, 54% of 13 to 14-year-old girls and 26% of boys of the same age said they felt anxious.
When surveyed in May – several weeks after schools shut to most pupils and nationwide lockdown restrictions came into force – the proportion dropped to 45% of girls and 18% of boys. (1)
The researchers found their results surprising, as they had assumed that anxiety would have increased due to lockdown.
The most useful thing we can focus on as parents, is to concentrate on our children’s adaptability to change, and to meet them in their world with this, through support and guidance, enabling them to find their way with confidence, rather than experiencing fear and anxiety. We cannot predict how they will be, and should expect some ups and downs.
I would encourage you to consider the following
- How much does my child know about this change that is coming?
- How have I been helping my child through this so far?
- Have I noticed a change of behaviour in my child? Notice any signs of irritability when you mention going back to school, or any reluctance to meet up with friends, or sudden onsets of tummy aches.
- Are they saying that they are excited about the change but their behaviour is indicating otherwise?
- In my child’s eyes, what might they be struggling with? Am I seeing the change through my child’s eyes?
- How can I modify my own attitude that will help my child cope? Am I transferring my own feelings of worry, doubt or fear?
- My top 5 takeaways
Talk to them:
- About what they are looking forward to about going back to school, discuss fun memories they have of school before lockdown, to remind them of what they enjoyed about school and then ask if they have any worries.
- Don’t make any assumptions. Don’t dismiss any worries as “trivial”. They may be little in our eyes, but in their world, they have a large impact. Research proves that dismissing or trying to minimise worry makes it worse. Beginning to sow the seeds of emotional resilience and confidence from an early age will help children cope with change in the future by holding the space for them to feel the fear, with the re-assurance that you know that they will be ok
- Normalise their worries, by letting them know that everybody will be having similar thoughts. Help them acknowledge that it’s ok to feel sad, or scared or worried and it may take time to adjust but these feelings are normal, but in time they will pass as they become more familiar with the new situation
- Ask them, is there anything that they need from you, to help them feel more at ease
Prepare – You and them:
- Talk through the changes that they will see at school regarding entry and exit, classroom layout, lesson arrangements, timetable, playtime and lunchtime.
- Re-assure them that the changes they will see are designed to keep everybody safe. Encourage personal responsibility towards hygiene, helping them to remember the importance of washing hands, using the hand sanitiser when asked., and maintaining distance where possible.
- Expect tantrums, un-co-cooperativeness or grumpiness due to brain overload and tiredness. Children will be returning to a life of much more sitting still, which will result in energy needing to be released.
- Acknowledge your feelings and how you need to resource yourself for the new term.
- DDS: Delete, Delegate or Simplify your schedule outside and inside the home in order to establish your new routine. You haven’t had to do the school run for some time, so allow yourself some transition time, to prevent overwhelm returning quickly
- Adjust your expectations, children will not be at the same level cognitively or academically where they left off, before schools closed. This may cause frustrations for them too.
- Be aware of increased separation anxiety as we have all been in a bubble for so long.
Re- establish Boundaries that may have slipped:
- Sleep: 11 hours for primary school age children, 9 hours for teenagers
- Screen free time: 90 minutes before bed. This doesn’t include TV.
- Re – establish homework time.
- Create a new visual timetable for younger children to help them co-operate in the mornings.
Focus on fostering Resilience:
- Emphasise that life’s changes are new adventures
- Repeat, in the words of AA Milne, “You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” Christopher Robin
For more information on fostering resilience you can download my free guide here: https://thewellerway.co.uk/
Be Available and Resourced:
- Give space at the end of the day for your child by not asking questions. The most important thing as that you re-connect with them at the end of the day with your physical and uninterrupted presence. They will have missed you, having got used to your availability during lockdown. This will minimise any emotional outbursts caused by disconnection.
- Give space to you, to re-connect with your “Mum head” after work. Re-fuel to re-resource, make sure that you are well hydrated and fed before the school pick up.
- With a changed routine, remember to factor in your needs for self- care. Now they are back at school, put these moments in the diary!
Above all else, don’t forget to breathe, and take one step at a time, forging your new routine with kindness to yourself!
References:
- https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-53884401
Author: Helen Loder
Co-Director of Sevenoaks Mums