CORONAVIRUS – ADVICE FOR SEPARATED PARENTS

CORONAVIRUS – ADVICE FOR SEPARATED PARENTS

Life as a separated parent is hard and stressful enough without something like Covid-19 coming along and causing chaos to well established routines. To those in this position, below are some tips and advice from Stuart Ruff, Salaried Partner at Solicitors Thackray Williams.

1. Stay Healthy

Follow best practice habits (frequent and thorough hand washing, social distancing etc) and official advice to minimise the risk of spreading the virus. Let the other parent know what you are doing so you know both households are taking the situation seriously. This will bring peace of mind to both parents and as with all co-parenting, consistency across both households is best.

2. Talk to your children

Children will have heard a lot of things about Covid-19 at school and through social media and friends. Younger children may not be able to accurately process all the information they receive, which will cause them to be scared and confused. Older children whose schooling, exams and social events have been cancelled may be unsettled and anxious. Talking will help them understand what is really going on and will provide reassurance to them.

3. Meeting your obligations

Regardless of whether the parenting arrangements are regulated by agreement or court order, you must do what you can to meet your obligations under those terms unless there is good reason not to. If the established routine cannot be followed (e.g travel restrictions, isolation or school closures to name a few) use common sense to put the children first and find a solution. If you anticipate a problem communicate with the other parent as soon as possible.

4. Look for a solution not a problem

With the impact Covid-19 is having on society as a whole, now more than ever there is a need for parents, and other adults concerned with the care of children, to find solutions to the problems faced. Courts will have limited availability and dispute resolution services such as mediation may be hard to access. Finding a solution will inevitably involve compromise but a desire to do what is best for the children should be the focus.

5. Adapt With schools closing

If handovers normally occurred after and at school or a sporting or other similar activity, start planning another venue for handovers to take place and where social distancing can still occur. Activities you had planned to do with the children are now likely to have been cancelled so think about whether you will need to work from home and whether that is feasible when the children are in your care. If face to face contact cannot take place, find other ways to keep in contact through Facetime or something similar.

6. Be open

Try to be on the same page as the other parent about the things you’ll each do in your own household and the wider community to limit exposure to Covid-19. If your child is showing any signs of symptoms, share this information with the other parent immediately and agree how to deal with it. Come up with your own self-isolation plan and tell the other parent what it is. Try to engage open and honestly with the other parent about your concerns as they will have the same worries as you and, if there has been a risk of exposure to Covid-19, be honest about that (at which point mandated responses such as isolation will be required in any event).

7. Be mutual

Think about how you would like the other parent to engage with you about these issues and model that engagement. Make accommodations to the other parent if it’s possible and best for the children and expect the same in return. In such times, mutually agreed give and take will benefit everyone.

8. Be compassionate

People react and respond in different ways to the same situation. There is no right answer and you and the other parent may react in different ways. That’s fine – don’t criticise the other parent for reacting differently to you. You will both have the children’s best interests at heart and conflict will be reduced if you both remember this and understand that each of you is making the best possible effort.

9. Help out to the extent you can

People may lose their jobs or have a drop in income if they have to reduce their hours. This may impact on what financial support they are able to provide. Financial worries will probably exist in both households. Try to understand this and work together to find a solution that is as good as possible under the circumstances for the children.

10. Be patient and remain positive

The current situation will not go away overnight. It will take time for things to return to something like what was considered normally just a few weeks ago. However, things will get better. Enjoy the good things, stay connected with friends and family by phone or social media and remember your children look to both of you for love, support and guidance in these troubling times.

Stuart Ruff – Salaried Partner Thackray Williams LLP 15 Pembroke Road, Sevenoaks, Kent, TN13 1XR

E. Stuart.Ruff@thackraywilliams.com D. 01732 496496 | T. 017 3249 6460| DX. 330801 Sevenoaks 2 www.thackraywilliams.com